On that first day of my challenge I complained before I even got out of bed! (that first leg of my journey is in this blog: http://adventuresofanitaliangal.blogspot.com/2017/01/month-1-of-my-complaint-free-challenge.html?m=1 Nearly 7 months later, the seemingly impossible became a reality, much to my wonder - I actually made it to my 21st consecutive day! Wow (That was a long haul).
What's more, 2 days later I reached the 25 pound weight loss goal (19 inches) I had set for myself doing the Fast Metabolism Diet, (started in early February) which is now a lifestyle. I would never have guessed that I would reach 2 big goals within days!
As my first blog explains, I was on Day 1 - 90% of the time! Getting beyond Day 1 was my biggest hurdle. After nearly a month, I got through an entire day. Over time I was able to string 3 days together, but then I would make a snide remark or exclamation and bam! I was back at Day 1 again. As I recall, my pets, specifically the kitty cat LINCOLN was the naughty one who would break me time and time again!
Though I admit I had doubts once or twice, as I started afresh day and after day, I grew in confidence that I would get there there eventually. It's the only goal I remember undertaking that made me grow happier even as I failed.
Success is moving from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm. -Winston Churchill
If there's any challenge that's good to "fail" - it's this one! You are improving getting less negative, even in the midst of failure.
I noticed that on days I messed up that it would be easy to let it snowball. I tell ya, complaining begets more complaining! You can just feel yourself easily surrendering to the negative quagmire. The opposite is also true.
"Your words indicate, reinforce, and perpetuate your thoughts. So when you complain, you are actually repelling what you profess to want. Griping pushes away from you things that you say you would like to have. " Will Bowen
After doing the challenge for a while I became very sensitive to negativity. The energy I felt from another's complaint would sometimes actually hurt my heart.
Will Bowen says there are 4 different stages we go through when learning a new habit;
- Unconscious Incompetence (you don't even know that you suck)
- Conscious Incompetence (you are painfully aware of how much you suck)
- Conscious Competence (you suck less but it takes all your concentration)
and finally ... - Unconscious competence (you have learned the new habit an it's natural now! or you don't suck and you don't know it)
As I become more competent at this no complaint thing, there were a few times where I could not resist a sarcastic comment or a real complaint. I made the very conscious choice to gripe - knowing that I would have to start over (change my bracelet - see first blog), but finding it to be worth it. It is a powerful thing, to be so keen of any trace of negativity, that you feel the energy of the complaint on your lips even before it comes out your mouth and you ask yourself - Is this worth it? The vast majority of the time, people, It is not!
A big thing I have learned is to communicate in a more neutral, straight-forward way - without connotations, blame or feeling sorry for myself. When I began the challenge, I was extremely strict with myself (which is probably why it took so long - I inflicted extra rules that the book didn't even speak of, for example, starting over after saying one little lighthearted "crap!" or putting myself down, like, "I have a bad memory". People, I would not even allow myself to put a negative emoticon on facebook or texts! 😄After several months, I realized that I could be real and honest, I could say something truthful, matter-of-fact (that might to the naked ear seem like a complaint), but I could control how I said it (and my attitude behind it) and it would not need to be a complaint. Near the end of the challenge I was in the car on the way to a show and I spoke of the temperature in the car many times: "It's cold in here," But I didn't feel negative or whiny about it - just straight forward.
The most profound change that occurred was in a relationship and in my heart.
There was someone in my life who for years had mistreated and hurt me time and time again. It was an emotional roller roaster ride that had more downs than ups. These hurts seeped into my life and weighed heavily on me much of the time. Over time I was able to forgive, and even though I "forgave" her more than once, and these events were behind me, now and then I would replay one to my husband, or a sister - or a trusted friend. But once I started this No complaint challenge, I had to stop speaking these injustices aloud, no matter how awful they were, or how justified I was - it was no longer an option.
What happened was truly amazing. I say amazing because at one point, I was battered. I was done. I would begin to trust and believe I was in this person's good books again, only to find myself rejected over and over. Never before had I experienced treatment like this..
But get this: once I finally ceased speaking of it for good, my heart was truly healed! I was able to forgive - for reals.
I remember one day, in the presence of this person who had once caused me so much turmoil and angst, I actually felt love in my heart. Not only love, but fondness too! I was stunned. All of the ill feelings had finally completely dissolved! Once the negative replaying went away, so did the negative emotions, as well as all of my own resistance to this person (aha! So I may have had a role to play...) I now could truly love this person. WOW.
For several months, I had successful days, even up to 5 or more. But 21? However, I got to a point where I knew there was no turning back...I was actually going to reach my goal. My elation was strong when I finally reached Day 21 of no complaining, criticizing or saying something sarcastic outloud! On June 27, after nearly 7 months of wearing a purple bracelet every single day and switching it to my other wrist whenever I was negative - I was at Day 21! I could hardly believe it. My smile was huge that day and I knew that I had been made new.
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